My Poem - Waiting...

This is my poem, which I wrote a couple of days back. I hope you will like it...

"I won't be able to catch that cloud,
But I can still wait for it to rain,
I can never get that love,
but I can still wait for tears to end...

I can never forget your fragnance,
I can never forget your eyes,
I can never forget the way you use to look at me,and think
This is all I wanted in my life...

I will never be able to catch that time,
But I can still wait for it to come back,
May be I can never get that love,
But I can still wait for my tears to end..."

~ Anshul Bahre

May be this is Truth

“The sweetness of the voice comes with the sweetness of the heart.” Well may be it’s a true statement or may what I think is more real. Over the period of time I have learned that it’s not the heart it’s the mind that speaks sweetness. If I am scared from my boss, I talk nice to him. If I don’t know the person, I think ok lest just greet and treat him/her for a while, because I know it’s just for a while. On the contrary if I love the person, if adore my friend, I talk to him/her harshly sometimes, unless I want to get a help from them, may be a glass of water or borrow some money. I don’t want to make a judgment so soon that I am mean by this behavior, however I wana make a judgment that I am like any other human. Of course I am happy that I am able put my self in the list of most beautiful creature of god on earth.

I know what I am going to say next might sound like I am comparing the apples and oranges but that’s the way I make my analogies. There are thousands of statements, poems, and one liner written by lots of great leaders in the world. Literature is full of it. Do we ever think these values or sayings are not applicable now a day? Well I do. Like the way we all know Mr. Gandhi stated long back about that whole 2 cheeks 2 slap thing and all thoese others, I don’t think I can follow them and survive in this age. There are few (a lot) which should be followed even today and just speak the truth. Anyways, I guess I am stretching a bit more the allowed elasticity for this topic, so I will come to the point.

I am an India, rather a proud Indian I must say. I have different believes and values then the countries in west. I have been brought up differently, unlike Europe, Australia, America and others. When I grew up and saw the world from the viewpoint from which I wanted to I realized that there is a different angle of the values we have been taught. Few Values now look like the sayings from great leader, which are not applicable in this age, few look like the sweetness of words those are coming from brain now not the heart. Are we the correct generation to bring the change for the betterment or we should also just follow what have been said and told to us? If a generation previous to us can make some good changes by fighting with their elders like “sati pratha” and that crap, can’t we fight for things like dowry? People have guts to say to announce that they are gay; why can another one standup and say if you take dowry I will turn into a gay. Its not just dowry, it the openness that is required and it’s the strength to stand for what is truth. Don’t think like me and write, “May be this is Truth” correct yourself and say strongly “This is Truth”.

Deal!!! No Deal!!!

What matters more “The Mind” or “The Heart”? No one has an answer to this and neither do I. I was so confused for couple of days and then at the end I realized that my mind speaks more loudly then the heart and I heard him. He was quit clear, he said “DO NOT BUY ANY CAR”.

This all started when my room mate (Girish) and me were sitting together with one of my very old and gold friend Singh. Sing just came to visit me for some days. Girish and I went to a trip to The Cape just for 3 days and just the car cost us 350$. Oh dear god, my mind just blew off and I decided to buy a car. A car how much it can cost me may be 3500$ with some investment of 500$ in insurance. I just want it for a year or sometime. I did all my calculation and we logged on to the worlds more active site for used car craigslist.com and hence it all begun.

Deal after deal, call after call, we finalized few to meet. The very 1st one was Hyundai elantra from some dealer in our neighborhood. We three were all energized and just went to his store and here is the car, Hyundai Assent, a car with no power and no fun. I don’t wana buy this one I was sure and we came home. Craigslist again and again, it was a Sat morning. By the noon we came out with one more appointment somewhere in New Brunswick, NJ around an hour distance from my home. Singh drove us to the place and we saw Honda Civic. A beautiful elegant, white car. First Singh took the test drive and asked me to take the drive then. What the hell is this, Civic is supposed to be a good car, this one drives like a scooter. On top of it the guy does not have any title of it, he did not own the car and yet asking for 4500$. All right kido, you not gonna get it from me. While coming back Girish called his friend and he suggested another car that one of his friend is willing to sale. So we drove another 15-20 mins and reached to his place. This one is a nice looking Volkswagen passat, a car with smart interiors and tough engine. A German beauty. When I drove the car, it took my heart away. I was totally in love with the car. So smooth, so fast but as always there has to be something wrong, the car makes a small sound and we don’t have any clue how much it gona cost to us.

Singh drove us back to home and we 3 sat and discussed about the cars and came to no conclusion. Singh searched for few more cars on craigslist. He found a deal of the year, another Hyundai Elantra just in 4500$ and in mint condition. We decided we will go on Sunday evening. We went to his place; this one is handsome blue, drive fine, no sound, no flick and a smart car. Singh and I came back home and the next day in my working day. So we decided Singh will go and have the Mech. Check for the car before we close the deal. I wanted to buy this car. Singh calculated the insurance it is just 480$ per six months. Perfect, we all are happy that we are buying a nice car. Monday noon Singh went to the place and got the Mech. Check of the car and it is costing a good 1500$ for us before we buy the car. Dam it… the cost is not 4500+1500=6000$, no ways I am gonna invest that much. When Singh sent me a SMS that we are not buying the car the first thing I felt was sorry for him. He gave so much time to it and we end up buying nothing. By Monday noon I was feeling sick so I went home by 4PM.

Singh was on a call with a guy for a Nissan Altima when I entered the house. I was so surprised as he is so involved in this just for me. He asked me do you wana see this car. I said but we need to drive around 1 hour again. He said, no problems if you wana buy we will go and get it done. I said ok lets do it this time. We drove for an hour and went to the place. Oh dear god, this is again a nice neat car but makes a little noise. The car owner said, it needs repair. We went to Mech. check and he said it gonna cost some 400$. So total cost will be 6600$. I was ok with the cost, but the car is huge and it will be difficult to drive. I was getting double minded now. Singh said, while driving back to home, “this is your call, this is a nice deal though.” I knew he is right, I believed in him and finally I was convinced with the deal. Next morning as I was not feeling well because of fever and cold so I didn’t go to office and Singh and I decided that we will call this guy with Nissan and finalize the car today. Just couple of minutes before leaving I said, lets check the insurance on the car. It was costing 900$, we were in a shock. We check back the insurance on the Hyundai we saw before which was costing us 490. After we checked again, we missed to check few of the things life, theft protection and collision and so now it is costing 700$ for six months. Oh dear god, help me out; I cannot spend this much on pleasure. Singh said “decide it man, think about it, its not for your requirement, it is for your pleasure.” I gain knew he is right. I was so surprised, all 4 days he was totally involved in this. He was helping me out in buying a car. At the end we decided we not gonna buy a car now.

I felt so bad for Singh, as he gave so much time and energy to this and I was just involved may be a 10% of it. He drove not less then 200 miles for different car deals. My heart was always asking me to take the car, any car and Mind was not allowing me to spend this much of money. We started with 3500$ of investment and by the end it was costing me 10K. Finaly my head said “DO NOT BUY ANY CAR” and my heart said “A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND IN DEED”. Singh proved the statement quit loud. I admier the beauty of friendship more then ever now. God do everthing for some reason and in this story, he made us realize how close we are to each other. Then - How does it matter, we drive an owned car or a rented car then.

Is this pit for me???

That was not for me, though I fell into it. While walking too long on the same road I was tired of finding my destination. I guess the aim was lost somewhere in the path. At the end of the road I saw a huge pit, if I jump in that I might die but I don’t have courage to go back to my people and face them.

These were the most horrible and at the same time memorable days of my life. The feeling I had, is something, which cannot be described in words. Some point I feeling the forests are burning and the other moment I feel like I am standing at the peak of mountain full of snow. I waited for some days at the corner of the pit to find if there is any way I can go but it was all deep dark-hole. After some days I jumped into it by myself because that is the only hope left for me. I went way to far, sliding down the valley. There is no way I can go back now; rather I don’t want to go back now. The feelings I had was shivering but it touched me deeply and I never came out again.

There is nothing to wonder about where this story is leading. Do not apply your brains it’s a story about a normal guy who walks on the road of his life. He chooses a road of love and then falls into the pit of love. He was confused at the beginning weather to fall or not but later he realizes the fact that this is what he was searching. He understands that love is not easy to find and not easy to get but once you fall into it you want to fall up to the rock bottom.

What could be the most precious gift?

I always think what could be the best gift I can give to my friend on his/her birthday, a nice sweater, a beautiful watch, a necklace, I don’t know; what he/she has or what they want today? I always forget one think though, what I need from my friend? Its nothing but “Time”. That’s true if you reach a few min early to help your friend decorate the room or stay late to help him/her clean after all leaves, that’s what would make them feel special about you.

Most of the relations take a turn, and they travel on the road of ‘fight’ for long because of the time you spent with your partner is less then expected. Listen to this one; believe me its pretty regular for all. You ask them out on a movie but come to pick up late, let me tell you there is no point of celebration after that as you won’t be together in the movie. That right!!! Don’t you act surprised, as if you don’t know already. “She” will be with sha-rukh and “He” will be with Aishwarya, dam it she is one beautiful piece of cake. Anyways, so my point is, the whole concept of going out is to spend some time together and share what you don’t in regular days and that is lost; blame the bloody handsome starts or whatever, but the fact remain the same.

Don’t you get happy Mr. Single; I am coming to you as well. Mr. single goes to office daily and is very happy in working all day. At 6 PM he stretches his arms and thinks what am I going to do once I reach home? I will cook, then watch some crap on TV and then read a book and then my lovely bed. So, lets stay some more time and then I will go directly to the dining table and then to bed. The whole week passes by the same routine and here comes the lovely weekend. You get up by 10 AM with a smile of weekend on your beautiful face, slowly you get ready and have something to eat and then your brain suddenly starts thinking, what is that left yesterday and you go out catch a bus and reach directly to your office. Again tik tak tik on keyboard. Did you ever though that sometimes you might have to give a gift to yourself, that’s right I am talking about the same piece of shit I have been talking all the way, TIME.

Hey, I hope you got my point. Once you start giving time to your family, friends, and partners and above all to yourself, you can be more effective in your thinking process, in your work, in your activities. You will be faster and accurate; you not even have to come to office on weekends or to stay late. You will then find lots of hidden talent in you and people around you. Believe me you are here because “ you work to live, don’t live to work”. Think about what you just read and I will say try to follow for couple of weeks and if you feel this all is nothing but crap, open it again, read it again, take a print and burn it. Just kidding, I just wanted to remind you what you already know.

Thanks for spending “Time” for me to read this, made me happy.

“7+1 stories around me ’Friends”

Read it with intensity, as you might be in one of the 8 stories.

I have 7 close friends or I should say seven wonders of my life. I met them on different stages of life from 5th grade to a year back. Somehow they hold the most important part of my life. We all had our love stories going on from some years. I know about all of them, and what they will feel? How they will deal? Except how I feel and how will I deal about it?

I get worried if they get worried; I get happy when they are happy. It is way too confusing that what exactly is happening around in their lives. Before I make you all confused, I have to talk about them. I don’t wana name them here on this blog, so here it is:

Friends and their love:
Lotu - Ms A
PS - DJ
Ghoda - Ms N
Joker - Ms Pilani
KS - Dost
Bidi - Ms R
Ash - Ms Ker

So don’t get confused. Lotu, my friend for life and from life. He is my childhood friend and a person who can understand me like anything. He is a fun guy and still having fun. He met his love in college and didn’t understand that she is love or not. He though she is just a crush and didn’t want to get serious about it. He was right and that is the reason he lived happily. I think he will be the person who will get his love. He is now in deep love with Ms A and hope she does the same. His life is all good in terms of love though the challenge for us is he is not at all worried about his education and future. I don’t know what is he doing and what are his plans but the way he is cool is scaring us.

PS, A person who is a closed book for me from always. He met me in 11th grade. In a very short time we became friends. I always thought he is never going to be matured enough to understand the funda of relation (Rishte). Fortunately I was wrong. He fell in love with (a) girl and they both are passionate about each other. DJ met his parents recently and his parents happen to like her somehow, though they are having some second thoughts. They asked him to take the decision and I am so happy that he is thinking about it and not taking any hosh-posh decision. I never knew he grew up more than anyone of us. I got shocked when he said he is worried about Lotu and asked me to talk to him and make him understand that he need to concentrate on his life first. His words shacked me like anything, his words were “ we did lots of mistakes in our life and now we understand that how we ourselves screwed our lives. I regret that I didn’t study, the time I should have. He should understand or he will be late like us” I was almost filled with tears after hearing this. I was always worried about him, but now I know he can take of everything comes to him.

Ghoda, a cool, well planed, disciplined person. My only friend who is so managed and well behaved. True, I always admired him and I think everybody did, even my parents. There is only one thing that he probably needs to change is: he doesn’t have to be so practical about everything in life, some things are better being hypothetical. He always had a best love story and I will not lie I was always envy him. As of now he is not doing so well. I think he must be worried about his life, he doesn’t say it but I know it. He is worried about his job. His love story is almost complete but if there is job problem, then the path gets tough. There is one thing for sure, more then anything I want, I wanted them to get married. Ghoda and Ms N are made for each other.

Joker, he is my pal, my buddy, a person who thinks like me, who feels like me, who plan like me. He is very very close to my heart. I met him in college and 1st year itself we become close. He always had problems in his love life. There was a time when he captured back seat of my bike and his ear was captured by his stupid phone. He knew I get irritated with it but at the same time love to see how involved he is. Once it was late in the night and joker and me were on the call, this was the first time he told me that he is not going to be with Ms pilani and they are going to break up. I don’t know why I busted out in tears that day. I know I so wanted them to be together, I should rather say I wanted him to be happy by any way. I am sorry to say but I never liked Ms Pilani anytime. As of now, they talk to each other, they fight most of the time and they are not together for sure. She is going to get married soon but he will never tell himself not to love her. My friend is in real love, its just the world can not understand his feeling. I wish for his happiness and I know he is going to get someone very special.

KS, what should I say; she was there whenever I needed her. She supported me, she knows me in and out, she makes me happy, she make me annoyed… I met her in college. We never use to talk to each other, I think we rather use to hate. Somehow we become friends and I started telling her about my love problems, I should say, I started bugging her up with my stupid concerns. She is a awesome listener. She had someone special in her life and we all knew they are good couples but didn’t work well. It wasn’t a long relation for others but she still respects him a lot. We were together a long time and she never told much about what’s happening in her love life, but I always knew she is not happy. She always uses to smile and I wanted to make her smile by anyway. We had lots of fights but we were always friends. I don’t know how she did it, but she is almost over her relation from past unlike anyone else. I think she is stronger. I know she still cry sometime when she is alone but never tell me or I think anyone. I know one thing that she is going to keep her life partner with love and affection and gona take care of him all her life.

Bidi, I can explain him in one word FUN. He brought lots of changes in my life, he taught me how to deal with lost relations and he actually gave my life back. I met him 2 years back and just in few days he became my pal. We use to hangout, drink and more then that talk together a lot. I still remember Bidi me and one of my roommate (Ash) use to talk for hours about our love life in night. We can understand us so well. One day we three we in a bar having some couple of drinks and talking about the problems and we all had tears in our eyes at the same time. I think that day became my, or may be all three of us memory of life. Our lives suck that time. Anyways I am happy after all that happened to his life and all the tough time, he is now with Ms R and they gona be married soon.

Last but not the least, Ash. I met him when I joined the job first. His first impression was not so good no me, I though he is arrogant and stubborn person. He is awesome guy. He is some how like Joker and me. Except that he is more responsible towards life and a very devotee child for his parents. His love life started long back and we use to talk a lot about it. I respect his way of thinking and his attitude towards love. He is more a friend to Ms Ker then a lover and for me that is one difficult task. He loved her so hard and it was difficult for us to understand his love, but now I do understand, unfortunately his story is not going anywhere. Things were never with him, he always kind of new the end of it, though he tried and thought more practically. I like his final decision. I saw him crying, I saw him laughing, and I saw him as a friend. One thing I wana confess is he might not know but I consider him to be one of my best friend and will always wish for his goodwill.

I want to talk about one more person before I conclude it. I met her in college and we were just, is should say classmates. Slowly we became friends and she took a place in my life just like other 7 of them.I know she might smile for all and acts like a dumb person in front of the world but she is sensitive and a caring person. She is thoughtful and above all she is very devotee to her family that is the reason I respect her a lot. She is the only one in my Pals who is not in love with someone as of I know.

That’s why I named the title as 7+1. It amazes me that all the people those are close to me all are in love from long-long back, except the one. Someone from them told me once ‘never love a person who doesn’t love you back’. I guess it is true...

May be I am not able to link you with all the stories, but for me they all are like my part of life and it hurts when they are hurt. I am very far from all but I am close to their hearts. I wish for their happiness over mine because I know they all wish for me.

All of them, they found their love sometime in life may be few were/are not so lucky but at least they know how it feels like. That’s what is important in life and I think they should admire it. I admire that instead I have 7+1 gems in my life, how more luck I could be.